In case you wanted to know...

It seems like forever...

I know no one reads my blogger. Though i have moved up in the myspace world, this hollow home remains woefully empty. Which alas makes it a better place to ramble, and when I check it it doesn't say "8 new comments" all asking "awwuh why are you sad" for I usually use blogs as an outlet, however cryptic the words undoubtably are. Things have improved in my life in many ways, despite my weird feeling over these last couple of days, my boyfriend is wonderful to me, and we have a very close friendship as well.. you cant really ask for more. But if you know me, you know I always do. I can no longer deny the fact that yes, I am now, thin. No, maybe not thin, small, my body type will probably forever fail to be thing, I have quite large hips you see. But no longer the fat kid. Although my confidence remains toward the low side, there is no doubt it is improved. I have commitment issues which is a problem. But I think that's understandable if you know me. I know everything is to end. So I dwell. and dread. and mourn before things run their course. A terrible way to live, but, we cant stay young and naive forever now can we?

"couldn't I just caulk you?"

Well lesse what to tell what to tell. First and foremost, my life is never going to go anywhere if I don't get my ID soon, If I had the damned thing I could go get a job, but as it is, no one will take me so I'm pretty much fucked for now. And Im supposed to take my GED soon, which I also need an ID for so I'm frusterated out of my skull. Certain people are frusterating me as well, they just cant take a hint but oh well. Basically life is pissing me off. Me and Jessica went to a lecture put on by one of her old teachers Doctor Cross at the princess on Monday, that was fun except I didn't put on a jacket and there was a huuuge line, so I was frozen by the time we sat down, but I had a good time. Getting out of this house even for a few minutes is a big thing for me. I even had Nicole drop me off at the library yesterday and I just sat there for like 3 hours, which was great really. I wish I had places to go to get away from here but I don't, not really. Anyways this is my small update for today... I have nothing else to say and no one reads this anyways.

"The streetwalker is taking care of the baby"

We here at my blog would like to apologize to any emo kids who were hurt by my last blog. I mean we SORT OF care. I still feel that way though but Im not in crazy mode anymore so I kind of regret making the blog but oh well. Emo Kids are resilient.. they get made fun of a lot so they'll bounce back. Im bored. It's saturday and Joyce is asleep.. Clair is continuing to blow me off. And I have a stomach ache... yeah I know that didn't have anything to do with anything but wtf ever.ok going now

Insanity and Weight goals

Well I think I'm officially insane. I've had a rough night.. I need sleep. But I cant sleep. I feel like I could just curl up in a ball and rock back and forth. And my throat feels closed up and I dont know what the hell that's about. I don't know.. I thought I was over this shit but i dont guess I am.. Sad thing is I was going to post a big happy blog about reaching my goal weight.. when i started my diet 8 months ago this was the weight I wanted to be.. I have a new goal weight now, but so far I've lost 92 pounds. hoo-raw =( this is awful. I feel.. indescribable. And I hate emo kids right now. I know that sounds rough but whenever I slip into crazy mode I can't stand to think about emo/core/sceneXX a million X's whatever kids running around talking about how emotional scarred and crazy they are when most of them are fucking lying. sorry. Im upset. Im going now

A New Year

At midnight of the new year I tasted alchol for the first time in four years

Today, Two days into the new year, I got behind the wheel of a car for the first time in FIVE years

Wednesday, four days into the new year I will be going to sign up for G.E.D classes, the first thing academic I will have done in one year

In a around a week I will have the money to get an ID and start work

Summer I will start college, the first time I will have attended a school in what will then be a year and a half

It's a new year, and I refuse to be imobile any longer.. this year I won't let my rcompulsionsr drive me to be a hermit.. I may not have any set any resolutions.. but I have resolved to be different than I have been. Hope everyone had happy holidays.. I got some kick ass presents. e Including the dress as seen in the picture. I love it. I've wanted it forever. Thought I'd show you. =) everyone wish me luck on my new year. Thanks to everyone else who got me gifts, namely my friends, I love the movie Keith, I've wanted edward scissorhands for the longest Joyce all of your presents were thoughtful and wonderful, and clair wow Ive wanted that poster forever. =)

Also a quick edit.. my last post might end up showing up, if it did i apoligize for repeating myself

Christ and Satan

So Christ's birthyday was pretty sweet for me, big ups to the guy for having it to where EVERYONE gets presents on his birthday. I wouldn't be so kind If I'd like been like kind of a part of God or whatever I think I'd be kind of arrogant. And I certainly wouldnt want EVERYONE getting presents on my birthday. Satan made an apearance toward the end of Christ's birthday in the form of "tony" r as if lucifer isnt his name eh? My whore bag sister always picks satan in various forms.. im sure in a past life she was the wife of that guy who wouldn't let Mary and Joseph sleep at their crappy inn, because she's so stingy.. and so is he, both of them blow their money but dont really have anything.. just their stupid crappy inn that im sure Jesus wouldnt have wanted to be born in anyways. But yeah I got some kick ass presents for christmas e .. to name a few a poster ive wanted for quite a while of johnny depp from the movie Cry Baby from Clair.. Too many presents to name from joyce (including a sketch book and quill/fountain pen) Edward Scissorhands on DVD from Keith, this dress I've wanted since october from zero gravity from my mom, and a truly kick ass messanger bag from my dad that has the dark mark and says "Voldemort Returns" I got some pretty cool clothes from everyone else too.. They fit which is nice =D well that's about all the update I got for you folks COMMENT ASSHOLES :) <3>