"I'll call you out when I get myspace"

This is the only outlet I have. I've talked about it to death to people I'm friends with and each time I bring it up it just feels like a knife twisting deeper. This may sound dramatic but I don't care at the moment. That's how sad I am. That I don't care who reads this. I just want to be happy. For fucks sake is that too much to ask? But well I had to mess it up, I know it's not REALLY my fault, but I could have done something to help it. Am I ever going to say what I'm talking about? Probably not. Like I said I don't want to feel the knife turn deeper. Life is crazy isn't it, you end up so attached to people that you dont even want to be attatched to, they aren't the ones you'd pick, but you feel like you'd die without at LEAST knowing they're going to come back around. and you know, when/if you DO lose them, a part of yourself does die. And for some odd twisted sick sad reason. You just can't get it back. Life steals the choice sometimes, the choice of who is PART of you. Well guys I don't know what to do with this, I wish someone could tell me the magic solution.